


Sand and Moon: Meditations on a Jedi in Exile

by glorious_clio



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Tatooine, Tatooine Slave Culture, baby Ani in flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 11:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10019534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glorious_clio/pseuds/glorious_clio
Summary: It's been about a year since Obi-Wan and Luke arrived on Tatooine. Luke is with his aunt and uncle, but Obi-Wan couldn't be more alone. So, with a great deal of time on his hands, he has much to meditate on. And even as he reaches for Qui-Gon's life force, he finds himself haunted by memories of young Anakin Skywalker.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you times a million to mrstater for her encouragement and for beta-ing this fic!

The plural of Jedi is Jedi.

So the Force is balanced. For everything, through the Force, can be balanced. One Jedi or a thousand, it matters not, for the Force penetrates all.

It is the hardest lesson a Padawan learns. Here on Tatooine, Obi-Wan Kenobi learns it again, and learns it for the first time.  

The dusk found Obi-Wan on the floor of his hovel, waiting for night to fall properly. The searing heat of the day was fading, following nature’s rhythm. Soon it would be dark, soon it would be cooler, soon it would be time to sleep for some, though not for him. Obi-Wan did his best work at night.

It’s not as if he could sleep at night anyway.  

In the heat of the twilight, with his breath and his heart steady, Obi-Wan reached for the Force, for Compassion, for the Light. He would need all three tonight. He felt Yoda, he felt the tiny sparks that were Luke and Leia. And stretching farther, he reached for Qui-Gon Jinn.  

He hadn’t found his old Master yet, but Qui-Gon was there. Obi-Wan had assurances from Yoda. But his old Master had always done things in his own time. In his own way, he was still teaching Obi-Wan. And Obi-Wan, in his dark hours on this dreadful planet knew that Qui-Gon would have made a better master for Anakin, that his unconventional ways would have made a welcome listener to Anakin’s struggles.  

Oh, yes, Anakin. Obi-Wan tortured himself with thoughts of his Padawan. Anakin Skywalker was everywhere here, haunting this planet even as he knew Darth Vader would never set foot here. Surely this exile and this persistent knowledge was penance for poor teaching, poor brotherhood.  

The suns dropped below the horizon and Obi-Wan stood. No further preparations were necessary; he wore his cloak, his lightsaber and canteen were already clipped to his belt. Without a second thought, he picked up a large staff and stepped into the night.

Tatooine boasted two suns and three moons, but only one (Guermessa, the largest) lit his path tonight. It was a bantha moon, some said. Others called it the freedom moon.

 

* * *

 

Freedom was a concept with which Anakin Skywalker struggled, a concept Obi-Wan struggled to teach. Especially since Ani had so much else to learn. His first months were not happy ones. The Jedi Temple had very strict rules and Ani learned them all quickly. He never complained, at least not at first, about rules or chores or early rising times. He had to learn to read, though. That had shocked Obi-Wan, who loved curling up in the quiet of the library. Anakin had to spend some time in the med-bay, catching up on nine years worth of doctor and dentist trips (though Obi-Wan was assured he was reasonably healthy). He even had to adapt to water showers - Anakin did not like getting his face wet at first. The other Younglings his age gave the newcomer a wide berth. It seemed to suit Ani - more than once did Obi-Wan have to dig his Padawan out of an engine bay, covered in grease.  

He struggled with meditation and being still. And he struggled with calling his teachers “Master.”

Obi-Wan struggled, too.

He missed his own master. No one around him seemed to be mourning Qui-Gon. “One with the Force, he is,” Yoda said unhelpfully. Obi-Wan was trying to let go of too many feelings; grief, guilt, uncertainty-

So in his cell, he invited his tiny Apprentice to tea.  

Tea ceremonies were common enough between Masters in the temple, they shared them with their Apprentices and Padawans. Younglings were rare at proper ceremonies, but they were instructed in the etiquette. Making and serving tea was humbling, receiving it respectfully was a gift and a grace, and the balance between was its own kind of meditation. It opened a channel between two Jedi and between the Force.

By any stretch of the imagination, it was a disaster.  Anakin was fresh from a remedial reading lesson, and though Obi-Wan encouraged him to let go of his frustration, that was easier said than done. The poor boy - not knowing the protocol for a formal tea ceremony - had breached several major etiquette rules. As gently as he could, Obi-Wan corrected him, but he could see Ani get more upset. It culminated with Anakin Skywalker breaking a teacup, somehow managing to spill tea all over Obi-Wan’s hand.

Obi-Wan yelped and pulled his hand close and Ani _flinched_.

As if expecting his teacher to lash out at him. Suddenly, Obi-Wan’s heart broke, and the pain was worse than the mild scalding.  

“Anakin,” he started and the boy tried to make himself so small.

“I’m sorry, Obi-Wan, sir, it was an accident-”

“I know,” Obi-Wan said, breathing through the pain.  

The boy was shaking. Obi-Wan felt guilty for his own frustration.  He cursed himself that he hadn’t yet found a way to reach this boy that Qui-Gon had managed to save, body and soul.

Using the Force, he picked up the shards of pottery and threw them in a rubbish pail. With a towel, he mopped up the cooled tea and hung it up over the back of his chair. Gingerly, he sat cross-legged on the floor and patted the spot next to him. Ani hesitantly sat.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath.

“I know you didn’t have a...” his thoughts lingered over some choice words for Tatooine, but he went on, “...traditional Jedi upbringing. Your being here is rather unconventional.”

Anakin sniffed.

“I had an unconventional Master,” Obi-Wan continued. “You are my first Padawan. I hope you will forgive me the mistakes I have already made, and all the ones I will make in the future.”

During this part of the speech, Anakin had looked up, the expression in his eyes akin to wonder, even shock.

“We have much to learn about the Force, Anakin. The first lesson you have taught me is that energy should be focused on creation, or it will surely result in destruction.”

And Anakin had laughed.  

They still had hard days, they still struggled, but Obi-Wan had every reason to believe they trusted each other to learn from their mistakes.

Until, well.

 

* * *

 

It was difficult to walk through sand dunes. Rocks were easier, but those took their toll. Obi-Wan was sweating and exhausted when he reached the agreed upon rendezvous point, a small cave at the far end of Beggar’s Canyon with a hidden entrance. Obi-Wan ducked inside. Thoughts crept into his head about a speeder - but what hermit had one of those? He was meant to protect Luke and not call attention to himself.

He smirked in the darkness.

Yoda would be furious if he was here.  

Obi-Wan waited, his fingers worrying the staff that he was more familiar with after a year. After a slightly longer wait than he was used to, he finally heard a cry, like that of a desert falcon. He answered with a soft cry of his own. Then there were footsteps in the canyon and a voice-

“You’re getting better at that, Ben,” Rip Lindemann said in a low growl. He appeared in the mouth of the cave.

“Thank you, Rip,” Obi-Wan replied pleasantly. He shook the other man’s hand. “How may I be of service tonight?”

“This is Liana Triem and her son Sarkin.”

Obi-Wan looked behind Rip at the terrified pair. “Hello there, I’m Ben. I welcome you into my, er, home. Shall we?”

“Thank you,” Liana said. She was dressed in a drab and stained tunic and loose fitting leggings. The traveling cloak was slipping off her and she carried her son in her arms. “Only, may we rest a moment? Sarkin’s tracker was in his foot and he’s too heavy to carry for long.”

“It’s why we were late, Ben,” Rip said.  

“Of course. There’s no sign of danger. But if you like, I can carry him for a bit-”

He felt her hesitation. She didn’t want to lose her son, even to someone on the freedom moon path. Obi-Wan could have compelled her, but something in him said not to. There was time, he could be patient. Liana was making her first choices as a free woman, as a mother.

“Of course,” Obi-Wan said with a nod. He sank into the sand for a moment and patted the space beside him. “Rest a moment.”

She sat gratefully, arranging her son in her lap. His dark eyes surveyed Obi-Wan with clear distrust in them.

No one spoke, they only listened to the wind over the sand. It was a lonely sound, and Obi-Wan was glad of the company.

 

* * *

 

 

Anakin was a born tinkerer. Obi-Wan tried to use this as a way to describe meditation, focus, negotiation. The analogies worked, more or less. But Anakin would still sneak off and fuss with circuits and nodes and things Obi-Wan didn’t really understand.

He had one project that kept him busy for over two years, on and off.  

“What’s that you’re working on?” Obi-Wan had asked once.

“It’s a med-scanner,” Anakin said, biting his lips, tightening a screw.

Obi-Wan felt his brow furrow. “May I ask for what purpose? Do you need the infirmary?”

“No, it’s-” he set his tool down. “I can’t communicate with my- my mother. I know that. But she’s still a slave. As far as I know.”

“We are peace-keepers, Anakin, not... not freedom fighters,” he cautioned.  

“I know,” Anakin said. He picked up his tool again. “And this is just a med-scanner, or it will be. I can’t help it if someone else uses it to find a tracking device in their body.”

Obi-Wan didn’t know what to say to that. His own blood had boiled when the med-droid had dug out Anakin’s tracker. Rather, the tracker that was in Anakin’s body, without his even knowing where it was. It was in his elbow, and though the med-droid recommended a nerve block, Ani refused. When it was removed, Anakin didn’t cry, didn’t flinch. He had smiled, then crushed it between two fingers.

That day, he left Anakin to his tinkering, but as far as he knew his Apprentice had never finished his scanner.

When Obi-Wan had arrived on Tatooine and delivered Luke to his aunt and uncle, he learned two things. The first was that the Lars family did not want him around Luke. Ever. At all.

The second was that slavery still existed, the Hutts still controlled Tatooine.

Bored, angry, frustrated, depressed, Obi-Wan went to work on a med-scanner of his own. It wasn’t easy, even Anakin had abandoned the project ages ago. But Obi-Wan didn’t have anything else to do.

As for freeing slaves not being in the Jedi Order’s mandate, Obi-Wan argued four points to an imaginary Master Yoda:

  1. It had been years since he had been a peace keeper, a negotiator
  2. Freeing beings one at a time was a drop in the bucket
  3. Qui-Gon had freed Anakin, he was only following his master’s teachings
  4. It felt right with the Force



But he hadn’t spoken to Yoda in over a year, so he was arguing with air, with memories, with himself.

On rare trips to settlements, Obi-Wan made inquiries about the freedom moon, made contact with Rip, passed along the med-scanner to find and remove trackers.  

After all, wasn’t compassion part of the Jedi Code? The Force was acting through the vessel that was Obi-Wan. If someone used his scanner to find and remove trackers, he couldn’t help it.

 

* * *

 

Liana and Sarkin looked up.

“Ready?” Obi-Wan asked, standing.

They waved goodbye to Rip and then, in silence, Obi-Wan led them to his hovel. They wouldn't be with him very long, no one ever was. Obi-Wan was a safe house, a place to pause on the path to freedom. A place to heal after one’s tracking device was removed. Obi-Wan kept wounds clean and bellies reasonably full. As soon as the little boy’s foot healed, it was time for Liana and Sarkin to move on.

When they left, Tatooine was bright under its three moons - the bantha again, the wolf, and the falcon. They had proper names, of course. But stories mattered here.

As Obi-Wan left Liana and her son at the next safehouse, he wondered what manner of stories would be told of him.

It didn’t matter of course. Not to the Force.

Alone in his hut again, he once more settled down to meditate on what it meant to be a Jedi, and what it meant to be free.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading | Thank you for the kudos and especially for the comments! <3


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